Office Office!!

Things about office that you Sorry me hate or like...

1. You MUST hate the cafeteria food. Liking that food is like committing the most heinous crime on earth. This is valid even when your colleague has brought a lunch which looks such that you prefer to just stay away. And for Christ's sake never go for the second fill!!!
2. You MUST hate your cube. Even if it has all the comforts of a heaven, there is something you can find. May be just look at your neighbor, he may have a hideous face or he may have worn an odd apparel or worst he may be your "teammate".
3. If someone gets a new car in office you MUST involve with others in teasing him/her about when will he drop us home, even when neither us nor him/her bothers to do it even once.
4. You MUST hate your manager and director. I do not know if this comes along with the breeze of AC in the office as a free package.
5. Treats MUST be in a so-called sophisticated restaurant. That's because most people in office care about the "ambiance and not the food". Even if you feel the food was worse than the "Shanthi Sagar" nearby your house; you MUST say the food was great and thank the person for choosing such a great place and may be go a step further saying you will surely recommend it to your friends.
6. There will be some ladies in office who ACT(actually overact) as though they are dieting. They usually do not eat any sweets, coconut items,oil( a big no!!), even though they can gorge tonnes of ice-creams and chocolates.
7. Never Never eat anything out of interest in office. A suitable analogy: Order a plate of gobi manchurian(7 pieces) for a team of ten. Out of which five people will be ladies, so the overacting rule applies and they wont touch it( I just saw a lady take a hairline of onion from it and say its too oily. The others will say, ya by looking at it only i felt that). The other dudes are also no less of a natak company, one takes one piece then the other says hes full already and cuts a piece into one third. This goes on for about half an hour until then one or two pieces will be remaining on the plate glaring your eyes. You think a lot and about to grab those then a good Samaritan takes away the plate to the wash room.
8. Always use the terms "ping", "doze", "pretext", "in the loop", "contemplate". Also when you are in office you MUST be secular.
9. You MUST hate Pj's and laugh at some recondite jokes that one may feel don't even classify as jokes. Also never have a complete laugh flashing your teeth, just put on an artificial laugh.
10. You MUST love movies like "Pursuit of happyness", "Hotel Rwanda","The pianist","Saving Private Ryan","Schindler's list","No Man's land", "Blood Diamond" and all the movies that deal with social cause and the movies about some countries called Somalia, Zimbabwe. I agree that some of the movies listed here are good, but for God's sake all these movies deal with great pain, suffering; when you are already locked in a cubicle for 9 hours, and other n number of problems haunting you, why the f*** do you want to add more.

Actually lot more points can be added but this is what i recalled just now coming back from office (Ya its a Saturday!!) and yes, some were purposefully deleted for obvious reasons. Also any resemblance to any person may NOT be entirely co-incidental. Finally its just my opinion!!!

BaDi baDi deshon mein choti choti baatein.....

I had been to my grandma's place last weekend. Its a village, but was packed with surprises. Visiting this place after about 3 years.

#My cousin asked me what kind of a mobile phone do I own? I said 2300. He told me that's not even in the market now, why don't you buy a N95 showing me his new N73. He went on explaining me all its features; about 270 songs in it, and the videos he had recorded and a movie he had saved in there. I was like wowww!!! Then gathering my left over dignity, I asked why don't you buy an ipod. To which he replied, this one already has 2 Gb memory capacity which pretty much suffices my current needs. Stumped yet again!!
#He then asked me how much do i make per month(This is the most embarrassing question). I casually picked a random value and said 25K. He replied, In Bangalore 25k is like 5k in here. And he went on about a "memory card" manufacturing unit that is going to open in that village and the trainer gets 40K. My mom hearing this was like what company do you work in again? Why don't you switch companies blah blah....
#And comes the most obvious question, why did not I get a job in Infosys, Wipro. This time I had gathered all the courage and gave a satisfactory answer. My uncle was like, whatever you say nowadays engineers don't have much value, because "US IS DOWN". I was speechless!!!
#Then my cousin told me lets watch a movie. He had just got a Raaz movie DVD. He connected most of the cables. But the sound could not be heard. I thought let me help them with the color coding. He said to me don't touch the yellow cable as the video is already proper!!!

After all this next day was watching last part of some kannada movie. Usual story; hero extremely rich, currently poisoned and unconscious, villains troubling his mother, mom calls his name twice, hero wakes up fights and kills all bad guys. His mother now calls him in a typical style "Kanda baaa kandaa ninna taayi maDiligee baa". Hero running in slow motion towards his mother collapses suddenly. Next scene hospital; doctors say an impossible case. Hero's mother is like my son had fallen once from train and has survived, a sanke bite could not do any harm, he is chiranjeevi blah blah... And then she slowly enters the hospital room. Hero lying there. At the end hero survives...Stumped!!! Just guess hows that possible now.

Change=Hope

Always love to sip coffee beside the window, with a serene, light drizzle view outside. Today is one such day. Although a bit cold, its nice and pleasant. I was lucky to have a cube with such a beautiful view. Other advantages of my cube in 1st floor were a covert sound 15 min nap after lunch, cubes with better heights so no peeping. Today forsaking all these, I am moving to 2nd floor. No corner cubes there, but some good friends (not so good as to part with their corner cubes :) ). Hoping all the pantry breaks can come back alive so as to compensate for everything.

As a kid i believed.....

I was just recalling the other day, some crazy things that i believed as a kid. Check those out, just for a fun read. Please don't judge me by those, most of those must be around 10-15 years old and are just presumptuous as of today.

-WWE star undertaker's life was in a bottle. I used to always think and worry how much care he should take about it, just in case somebody should open it and he would end up dead.

-Our digestive system is a complex machine with lots of screws and gears n stuff, basically lot of machinery. Don't laugh!!!! Give me a break, every kid would have thought this atleast once in his life.

-South Africa's ace fielder Jhonty Rhodes does not have skin and his entire body is plastic surgerised, thought so only he can field so well as plastic is too tough to break. I still don't know how i believed it. But i remember one my cousin saying that to me.

-Our drawing teacher in around 3rd standard stopped coming to school suddenly. There was a rumour her head suddenly broke open and I could not help wondering, what must have been the situation here, Brains split wide open!!!. Hope she is very much well today.

-A flash game "Kaun Banega Crorepathi", i thought was the most complex game to run on a computer. It used to take almost 15-20min (practically!!!) to open the game's console on my cousin's computer. Today i think i can't quantify its RAM.

-Around seven tractors of gold can be found if we read an old script in Kannada, carved on a stone in one of the temples in my mother's natives. My relatives had explained it to me very convincingly. It was like a giant snake protecting the gold underneath and as soon as the script was read, earth would open itself with a huge crevice and gold would pop up. There was a mark on that script , it was told that a guy in search of gold tried reading it but could not hence he shot it with a pistol.

What is Credit crisis or the subprime loan crisis?

Lots of talk around these days, subprime loan crisis, US in bad shape, Laying off may loom over soon. Honestly I have very little knowledge on why this happened and all, but the looking at the brighter side I got to know so many biggie names ( Thanks to TOI for making this news spicy as ever). Taking some kiddish liberty, its actually fun to talk on this subject, rumors are always interesting to spread, that too by telling the other person "don't tell anyone". I came across a mail recently which explains the crisis in a simple language, thought let me put it down here,

Once there was a little island country. The land of this country was the tiny island itself. The total money in circulation was 2 dollars as there were only two pieces of 1 dollar coins circulating around.
1) There were 3 citizens living on this island country. A owned the land. B and C each owned 1 dollar.
2) B decided to purchase the land from A for 1 dollar. So, now A and C own 1 dollar each while B owned a piece of land that is worth 1 dollar.
* The net asset of the country now = 3 dollars.

3) Now C thought that since there is only one piece of land in the country, and land is non producible asset, its value must definitely go up. So, he borrowed 1 dollar from A, and together with his own 1 dollar, he bought the land from B for 2 dollars.
*A has a loan to C of 1 dollar, so his net asset is 1 dollar.
* B sold his land and got 2 dollars, so his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C owned the piece of land worth 2 dollars but with his 1 dollar debt to A, his net residual asset is 1 dollar.
* Thus, the net asset of the country = 4 dollars.

4) A saw that the land he once owned has risen in value. He regretted having sold it. Luckily, he has a 1 dollar loan to C. He then borrowed 2 dollars from B and acquired the land back from C for 3 dollars. The payment is by 2 dollars cash (which he borrowed) and cancellation of the 1 dollar loan to C. As a result, A now owned a piece of land that is worth 3 dollars. But since he owed B 2 dollars, his net asset is 1 dollar.
* B loaned 2 dollars to A. So his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C now has the 2 coins. His net asset is also 2 dollars.
* The net asset of the country = 5 dollars. A bubble is building up.

(5) B saw that the value of land kept rising. He also wanted to own the land. So he bought the land from A for 4 dollars. The payment is by borrowing 2 dollars from C, and cancellation of his 2 dollars loan to A.
* As a result, A has got his debt cleared and he got the 2 coins. His net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owned a piece of land that is worth 4 dollars, but since he has a debt of 2 dollars with C, his net Asset is 2 dollars.
* C loaned 2 dollars to B, so his net asset is 2 dollars.
* The net asset of the country = 6 dollars; even though, the country has only one piece of land and 2 Dollars in circulation.

(6) Everybody has made money and everybody felt happy and prosperous.

(7) One day an evil wind blew, and an evil thought came to C's mind. "Hey, what if the land price stop going up, how could B repay my loan. There is only 2 dollars in circulation, and, I think after all the land that B owns is worth at most only 1 dollar, and no more."

(8) A also thought the same way.

(9) Nobody wanted to buy land anymore.
* So, in the end, A owns the 2 dollar coins, his net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owed C 2 dollars and the land he owned which he thought worth 4 dollars is now 1 dollar. So his net asset is only 1 dollar.
* C has a loan of 2 dollars to B. But it is a bad debt. Although his net asset is still 2 dollars, his Heart is palpitating.
* The net asset of the country = 3 dollars again.

(10) So, who has stolen the 3 dollars from the country ? Of course, before the bubble burst B thought his land was worth 4 dollars. Actually, right before the collapse, the net asset of the country was 6 dollars on paper. B's net asset is still 2 dollars, his heart is palpitating.

(11) B had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. C as to relinquish his 2 dollars bad debt to B, but in return he acquired the land which is worth 1 dollar now.
* A owns the 2 coins, his net asset is 2 dollars.
* B is bankrupt, his net asset is 0 dollar. ( he lost everything )
* C got no choice but end up with a land worth only 1 dollar
* The net asset of the country = 3 dollars.

************ **End of the story; BUT ************ ********* ******

There is however a redistribution of wealth.
A is the winner, B is the loser, C is lucky that he is spared.
A few points worth noting -

(1) When a bubble is building up, the debt of individuals to one another in a country is also building up.

(2) This story of the island is a closed system whereby there is no other country and hence no foreign debt. The worth of the asset can only be calculated using the island's own currency. Hence, there is no net loss.

(3) An over-damped system is assumed when the bubble burst, meaning the land's value did not go down to below 1 dollar.

(4) When the bubble burst, the fellow with cash is the winner. The fellows having the land or extending loan to others are the losers. The asset could shrink or in worst case, they go bankrupt.

(5) If there is another citizen D either holding a dollar or another piece of land but refrains from taking part in the game, he will neither win nor lose. But he will see the value of his money or land go up and down like a see saw.

(6) When the bubble was in the growing phase, everybody made money.

(7) If you are smart and know that you are living in a growing bubble, it is worthwhile to borrow money (like A ) and take part in the game. But you must know when you should change everything back to cash.

(8) As in the case of land, the above phenomenon applies to stocks as well.

(9) The actual worth of land or stocks depend largely on psychology

Welcome To Sajjanpur...

Relief!!!!Relief!!!! Relief!!! Relief from movies which depict bungalows so spacious difficult to imagine even in a fairy land, innumerable wooden actors and actresses, baseless designer clothing's which are to be just worn all the time, pathos running into hours, meaningless jokes and pathetic songs combined with the worst choreography even when they are least required (I can only think of SRK's 'dream sequence' excuse here). Nowadays movies don't even have the concept of mother and father as it is no more trendy i guess. Thanks to Sajjanpur which defied all such must be rules of the modern bollywood and brought the village back on the big screen. And kudos to Shyam Benegal who dared such an attempt.

Shreyas talpade's acting is just getting better with each movie. Here too he does an excellent job. Most importantly you connect with his character Mahadev instantly. Amrita Rao looks fantabulous as always, and has carried Kamala's gaon ki gori character gracefully. I particularly liked her when she reasons why she abandoned school The director gives ample screen space for each of his characters and defines them aptly. The plot is simple yet is pervasive filled with loads of hidden social messages. The mousi who cries through her nose, her hot-headed daughter, all the letters, the villian defending his wife, are all humourous. The songs are refreshing paticularly Seetaram and Bheene bheene although you feel some of the others were not necessary.

In all, a good movie. Enjoy :)

MegaMergers........We Suck

This is the company me, Ragz,PK,SR and Kaddi conceptualised. Actually to be precise I am the CEO. There can't be a better choice however, Ragz is a part of board of directors. SR, well to be precise logistics department (Think who else can go to a mall at 10 in the morning, positive side to it... dedication!!!). PK, the security committee and kaddi fitness department.I had come up with the logo and Ragz had come up with an impressive punchline. "We Suck" yup that was perfect!!!.

The company took its birth in (2,2) . Gradually the company began to expand and had major offices at (2,5) and (3,5). We had hired people which we thought they are capable of and gave them jobs suitable to their profiles. Some of which i'd like to put down here.
1]CSN, Layman and the guy who used to ask "Praveen, is there food in mess today" for our Mars exploration wing. Let them dissent over each other and fight, just let them be away with their esoteric thoughts.
2]And the girl who almost all the guys had crush over, was to be incharge of our esteemed lab facility( What say praveen and Ragz, you guys know better??)
3]PK's girl was fit for R&D. And more funda, the walls of that building were made of books books and books!!!!.
4]The receptionist was that girl..Man how to put it....Disc brakes would be the clue!!!
5]For our fashion supplement we had "bigdi huwi bacchi" and Co.
6]Man in woman's voice would be a speaker for the company announcements.
7]Fitness segment which was handled by kaddi, also had Scorpion king, and Scorpion queen(this name i made up just now) as deputies.
8]The handkerchief guy was fit for nothing, actually yes for one thing, yes medical research....its easy to guess what field.
9]And our relationship with our enemies was handled by JRLB. (Whats her CET rank SR??)
10]Many obvious guys, sorry first bencher's for R&D.
11]HR would be from the Happy Family group.
12]Kaddi had other jobs too, "The Devout & Ekaadashi Group" and "The No light absolutely group" and "The Ghante group", probably he would start blogging after reading this and post against me. Remember the golden words "Nan presentation heega maadthiyaa, ninduu yella slides kitt haakthini"
13] CSN's girl would be for new hires training and syllabus setting committee.
14]"The Salesman" was more than apt for his responsibilities.
Most of the our company resources have been put down here. Have fun reading the reminisces. All rights reserved.