Sarcastic & funny comments

Some amazing sarcastic/smart comments I have been through in the last few days..
1]A presentation was going on, when a cell starts ringing from one of the person in the audience section. The presenter says "Well, Hey we now have some background music"

2]The auditorium manager in order to encourage people get to the front seats said "Hey people, you guys can sit in the front row, I promise I wont smell bad"

3]During one of my recent orientations with around 1k audience some questions asked...
Well all that graduate courses part is ok, but how can we get free football tickets?
( NCSU provides free football tickets)
Are we going to have fun here ?

4]Some spoofs:
>A Chinese and Indian student go with an American football game:
Indian guy bored of the game says "How stupid a game is this, here the ball is not even round"
>Some truth you may be unaware of. In here Chinese are considered the stingiest and Indians come second in that race. American invites the other two for icecream. The Chinese student says to the Indian " Did you hear last year a student had a toothache, and he had to spend 500$ from his pocket, that too here the insurance does'nt cover dental". And they decide not to have the ice-cream.

If you guys find any such, please drop them in the comments section :)